Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, I’ve got swine flu. Well I first thought it was just a cold, but then I went on the net and googled swine flu just to check, and weirdly it came on worse just while I was reading the list of symptoms. It turned out I had all of them.
I might go to the doctor if it’s not better soon. I don’t trust conventional medicine, obviously, but I could still ask for a placebo. I prefer placebos. I find they work every time for me.
Of course they’re not for everyone. Placebos have been shown to be completely ineffective on cynics, for instance. The secret is you have to believe they are going to work, and then they do.
Or I might try a homeopathic remedy. You have to believe in those too, but they cost loads more than placebos so once you’ve paid for them you believe in them even more, meaning you get better quicker. Which obviously justifies the extra money.
I have had an idea. I’m going to find out if there’s such a thing as a homeopathic placebo. That would most likely be more affordable than the actual remedy do you think? With any luck I’ll be up and about in a week or so.
I think I’m going to cut out bacon in future, just to be safe. Yes I know what you’re thinking. Supposedly you can’t catch swine flu from bacon. But my question to you is, do you seriously think the ‘scientists’ have tested every single piece of bacon in the world? Of course they haven’t – so really they’re just guessing. What if you were eating some bacon and it had come from a pig that actually had swine flu? Although I suppose a pig would just think of it as normal flu, if at all.
I think the government should ban bacon. Even if just one life was saved surely it would be justified.
And ham.
